Are you waiting for the love of your life to find you? Are you tired of just waiting…and waiting…to be found and to start dating? Does it seem like love is a waiting game and you are losing? How long can you wait?
Recently, I read an email joke that went:
“Women are like apples on a tree. The best ones are at the top and most men don’t want to work that hard to get to them. They don’t want to climb that high and risk falling off and getting hurt. Most men are willing to settle for the rotten apples lying on the ground. Those apples aren’t as good, but they’re easy…”
This note was a tongue-in-cheek twist on an old perspective, which is, that women are waiting for men to find them and pick them. It represents a persistent dating consciousness that keeps people from having what they want.
If you are waiting to be discovered and appreciated–or waiting to be plucked from a tree–you will either be waiting a long time, or feel disappointed in the quality of the apple picker. Because when men and women get together, they need to mutually pick each other in order for both of them to be happy.
This story also makes the assumption that men are supposed to do the work to find a woman. Obviously, if men and women want to wind up with the person they want, they both have to do the work.
If you want to be with the love of your life,
*You have to BECOME the person you are looking for, and
*You have to get out of the tree, get some legs under you, and take the actions necessary to find the person you want.
Here are some things you can do to find the person you want to be with:
1. Take great care of yourself.
All apples need to be polished to look their best. Do you exercise every day? Do you pay attention to what you eat? Fast food, meals on the run, late night snacking, and skipping breakfast are all ways we add unnecessary stress and pounds. It’s hard to feel attractive when you haven’t given yourself the nutrition and attention you need to feel confident.
2. Get out of the house and connect with others.
Most people have to make plans or getting out of the house just won’t happen. Take out your calendar and check the paper, the social events where you work or worship, and talk to your friends and family to see if and when they want to go out with you. You need to get out several times a week–not just once in a while.
3. Tell people you want to meet someone.
This is an overlooked resource. You have to ASK people. Most of them won’t know anyone, but sooner or later, someone will meet a person and remember your request. Furthermore, check back with them a few weeks after you ask them and see if they have thought of anyone. People get busy with their lives and have to be reminded.
4. Develop your computer skills.
Recent research has shown that people with good computer skills are more successful and more likely to meet someone online. If you do not have strong technology skills, I suggest you take a course and become computer literate. Many people connect through the internet.
After all the talk about comparing women to apples, I looked to find what metaphor was used for men. It said men were compared to grapes. It said women had to pick them, stomp them, and turn them into wine so they were worth having dinner with.
I’m not sure I like being compared to a fruit. This picture of hanging on a tree or a vine